I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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