how hairy? two words: wookie tits
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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