Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
