I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
