i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
