My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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