why didn't you poke me back
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
