Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
