If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
