He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
