Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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