My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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