I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
