oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My dick has a subreddit
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize