Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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