roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
