Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
