Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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