I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
