You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
