i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
