Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
