In the future we'll all be gay
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
