I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
