There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
