it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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