oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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