Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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