It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
