Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
