I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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