The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
