omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
