Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
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