I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
