My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
why is half of my head shaved?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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