During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
