she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
