I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
