She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Randomize
