Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's blow job season.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
