you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
