If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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