corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
