"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
