So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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