I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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