She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I have vodka in my lungs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
