don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
