he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
