White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my phone needs a breathalizer
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
