so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to jail i love you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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