so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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