I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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