Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
