Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
