Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
