JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
