Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize