I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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