meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
