If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
