yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
