I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
