when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
