He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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