There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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