HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
