just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
