you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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