all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
