...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
