so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
