I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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