I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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