Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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