Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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